Please give me feedback on my new poem ”what a shame”

What a Shame
By: Ja’rel Jennings

What a shame it is to see another young black male selling drugs on the streets, all because he’s trying to put the latest jordans on his feet yet he doesn’t understand what you sow is what you reap and before he knows it he’s on trial for murder hoping to cop a plea, oh my young brothers and sisters wake up,haven’t you had enough? I guess not what a shame it to see another young black woman selling her body on the streets all because she wasn’t loved enough by her father who was never there so she spreads her legs looking for love and affection from these different men who don’t even care,now she’s in the hospital coughing and splitting up blood because the last guy she was with didn’t tell her he was hiv positive, he caught it from this guy he shared a needle with back in 06’,now she’s only got six months to live tell me what kind of life is this? My young people open your eyes and see yourselves for all that your worth and stop being trapped by the lies that the hood media glamorized and sold you at birth, oh what a shame it is to see another young person who never had a future in reach.

About to put out my new poem entitled ” What a shame” let me know what y’all think feedback is always appreciated.

I’m looking at her she’s looking at me

Our eyes lock in connectivity,

She puts her hand on mine and for

just a brief moment we become lost in time,

She whispers in my ear,and it becomes

perfectly clear as our hearts beat on one accord,

She’s the one that I adore and there isn’t anyone else,

in the world for me,

there inside her heart is where I wanna be.

I just wanna get to know you,

I wanna get to know all about you,

I wanna know what makes you laugh,

what makes you tick,

what makes you cry,

and what makes you sick,

I wanna know your hearts desire,

your hopes and dreams,

and all the good and bad in between,

give me your heart so I can hold it close to me,

Girl I just wanna get to know you,

and make you mine for the whole world to see.

Indulging in everything that you are is what I’m good at,

The smell of your perfume is intoxicating to me as you pass by,

The sway of your hips from your coke a cola like frame leaves me wanting more then just a drink,

With each passing taste of your lips to mine,

I feel myself lose control and go insane,

this hold you have on me I can’t explain,

I don’t know why being near you makes me feel the way I do,

but I do know one thing and that’s I love you.